AM

Hegeseth screaming into a Pentagon mirror this morning, yelling “I AM NOT A GAY FISH”

Plz pump in the AM so I can get more puts. Starting to feel like I should've held them over the weekend. 

Everybody calm down. Bob’s back from PTO tomorrow. He’s the one with the master switch for all solar and wind. Energy crisis averted by 9:00 AM.

I AM IN THE THICK OF FUTES🫴

I AM FREAKING THE FUCK OUT THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THE MATTER

TALKIN TO MYSELF BECAUSE I AM AMY OWN CONSULTANT

Robinhood is the true test. We will see if it keeps falling . last 2 weeks it did until TACO at 4 AM PST

🐻 will be celebrating until that thank you for your attention to this matter drops tomorrow AM

ngl i just had no idea if its called 0:30 AM or 12:30PM lol

The bottom was already on Friday. This IS a financial advice and I AM responsible for your actions. #trustMeBro

12:30 AM in Iran rn still time for a ground invasion while it’s still dark don’t taco now

I just need 🥭 to tweet some lie about stuff going well at 7:30 AM Monday so I can liquidate

am holding calls over the weekend AM I REGARDED YES?SS?SS??SS?S??S

It’s Day 28. It’s 6:50 AM on a Saturday and I am looking for 🌮s

S E X. I AM HERE FOR YOU.

He likes to do it at 2 AM

You already have a bet going - ONDS to 8.55 before 28-Mar-2026 08:59 AM -05

You already have a bet going - SPY to 630.0 before 29-Mar-2026 08:28 AM -05

HELLO. I AM UNDER THE WATER

🥭 AND CREW LITERALLY TRYING EVERY SINGLE WAY TO PUMP THE MARKETS LMAO "SOURCES" SAY THEY ARE CAUTIOUSLY HOPEFUL LMFAO I AM CAUTIOUSLY HOPEFUL OF GETTING A DATE WITH SYDNEY SWEENEY THIS WEEKEND

I AM SO TIRED OF WINNING SO HARD CAN WE LOSE A LITTLE BIT

You already have a bet going - SPY to 630.0 before 30-Mar-2026 10:04 AM -05

**Ban Bet Created:** **/u/Starkfault** bet **SPY** goes from **639.24** to **703.17** before **03-Apr-2026 10:08 AM EDT** Their record is 62 wins and 47 losses. [**Join WSB Discord**](https://discord.gg/wsbverse)

You already have a bet going - SPY to 638.0 before 28-Mar-2026 03:34 AM -05

There already was one. See that little bump at 7 AM? That's all the reaction from it.

**Ban Bet Created:** **/u/Dismal_Foundation784** bet **MSFT** goes from **361.93** to **350.0** before **03-Apr-2026 09:03 AM EDT** Their record is 2 wins and 7 losses. [**Join WSB Discord**](https://discord.gg/wsbverse)

**Ban Bet Created:** **/u/bobbyknight102** bet **SPY** goes from **642.37** to **648.79** before **28-Mar-2026 08:55 AM EDT** Their record is 3 wins and 5 losses. [**Join WSB Discord**](https://discord.gg/wsbverse)

**Ban Bet Created:** **/u/ConstantSpace5809** bet **SPY** goes from **641.93** to **600.0** before **10-Apr-2026 08:50 AM EDT** Their record is 0 wins and 0 losses. [**Join WSB Discord**](https://discord.gg/wsbverse)

**Ban Bet Created:** **/u/cloud_cafe** bet **META** goes from **539.54** to **500.0** before **03-Apr-2026 08:48 AM EDT** Their record is 4 wins and 12 losses. [**Join WSB Discord**](https://discord.gg/wsbverse)

**Ban Bet Created:** **/u/Historical_Bother274** bet **SPY** goes from **642.6** to **600.0** before **24-Apr-2026 08:46 AM EDT** Their record is 0 wins and 2 losses. [**Join WSB Discord**](https://discord.gg/wsbverse)

You already have a bet going - GOOG to 320.0 before 08-Apr-2026 10:47 AM -05

to dump at 9:31 AM

Seems like it but it just dropped suddenly when it was pretty stable earlier this AM

**Ban Bet Created:** **/u/oldprecision** bet **SPY** goes from **642.86** to **610.72** before **03-Apr-2026 07:35 AM EDT** Their record is 0 wins and 6 losses. [**Join WSB Discord**](https://discord.gg/wsbverse)

**Ban Bet Created:** **/u/itssomeidiot** bet **MSTR** goes from **129.53** to **135.0** before **05-Apr-2026 07:32 AM EDT** Their record is 32 wins and 20 losses. [**Join WSB Discord**](https://discord.gg/wsbverse)

Precious metals mini pump in the AM and dumping PM or just dumping all day?

I think it would be nice to see a tweet that says "I AM HEREBY ORDERING A WITHDRAWAL OF ALL TROOPS FROM THE REGION IN THE SPIRIT OF PEACE NEGOTIATIONS AND AS A SHOW OF GOOD FAITH. THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER." And then I better fucking see some ship movement on maritime trackers IMMEDIATELY away from the region

**Ban Bet Created:** **/u/RareEurf** bet **SPY** goes from **647.86** to **700.0** before **28-Mar-2026 02:22 AM EDT** Their record is 0 wins and 8 losses. [**Join WSB Discord**](https://discord.gg/wsbverse)

**Ban Bet Created:** **/u/AvocadoPurees** bet **SPY** goes from **647.86** to **700.0** before **28-Mar-2026 02:11 AM EDT** Their record is 4 wins and 10 losses. [**Join WSB Discord**](https://discord.gg/wsbverse)

My moves will tomorrow include: react to the noise, buy at excessive prices, sell for a loss, then buy something else at EOD and hold over weekend feeling stressed the whole time. Then sell for a loss Monday AM.

DUE TO BUDGETING CONSTRAINTS I AM REDUCING THE FREQUENCY OF MY SHITPOSTING OUR AI CANT HANDLE IT

WHY AM I SO GREEDY?

> TRUMP: I AM PAUSING PERIOD OF ENERGY PLANT DESTRUCTION BY 10 DAYS TO MONDAY, APRIL 6, 2026, AT 8 P.M., EASTERN TIME Sure they will bud

Feelin fine Enjoy your (checks notes) 0.2% AM bump

>TRUMP: I AM PAUSING PERIOD OF ENERGY PLANT DESTRUCTION BY 10 DAYS TO MONDAY, APRIL 6, 2026, AT 8 P.M., EASTERN TIME https://x.com/DeItaone/status/2037261657496281453

Here we go again! 🤣🤣 # > 🥭 : I AM PAUSING PERIOD OF ENERGY PLANT DESTRUCTION BY 10 DAYS TO MONDAY, APRIL 6, 2026, AT 8 P.M., EASTERN TIME

#TIME FOR OFFICE 365 AM I RIGHT LMAO

I AM NOW A REDDIT AND MICROSOFT BAGHOLDER THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER!

I AM LATHERING MYSELF IN OIL 🛢️🕺🧴

I AM CASH GANG!!! WHAT DO I DO!!!